15 is a Scary Number

                 

This year has passed its midpoint- by two months. All I can think about is how my time as a 15 year old is ticking away- and the thought that when January comes around I'll have nothing to show for it. Being 15 feels like a freshly cut wound. Its big, and bloody, and you’re afraid to go near it and although your sure it’ll heal, this feeling of uncertainty and: ‘how  long will it take?’ ‘how will the scar look like?’ ‘will I like it?’ ‘will I like the me with the scare or will I wish to have stayed with the gash?’- its scary and yet...

Being 15 is so full of possibility that its suffocating. You’re filled with ideas that are so big it feels like all mankind will drown in them the moment you open your mouth but when you try to put feelings into words- all that comes out is- a desert. Dry of any of the magic you spent nights creating. It’s this feeling of ‘I’m old enough to effect the things around me- but I’m too young to actually make a difference’. Who will listen to me? Humor my ideas- give me a chance?

What can you do to have the confidence you need?

I don’t know.

I’m still figuring it out myself.

But I find it helps to remember the 9 year old me and how much she looked up to 15 year old her. She’d be brave. A leader. She has an opinion and isn’t afraid to say it. She’s everything and all I ever wanted- she’s not me. But…one day she will be. I know  I’ll be someone 9 year old me would be proud of. The lesson I’m learning lately is: the trick is to be patient with yourself- even if you want to push yourself in the face sometimes.

 Oh if only you can pre-order talent and skill on Amazon!

What do you think? How were you’re teenage years? Are you still a teenager, how’s that been like so far? Share your story like I’ve shared mine.

-Nadine