Can We Really Change the World?

I was inspired to write this after reading my friend's new post 'Future Job'. The third paragraph is what hit me:

"When I was younger, I wanted to do something that would change the world for the better, something that would make the world a better place. But eventually that idea became far-fetched. Now all I want to do in life is be content. Find a stable job, earn enough to live a comfortable life, enough to support my family." 

I felt as if someone just plucked one of my more secret thoughts and blatantly splattered it on the page. Regardless of what I want. Forcing myself to admit to something I don't want to put into words. But this is the beauty of writing the truth- you never know who you'll reach.

I want to change the world. We all want to change the world. And for all my life I've been letting my ideas run wild with no doubt to taint them or fear to slow them down because they've all been hiding behind the phrase:

'I'm special.'

Because its only special people- people who are brave, who are insane, who are something more- those are the people who change the world. But now I'd older. and I'm realizing I'm not special. I'm average. I'm so unremarkable I sometimes feel as if I'm wasting a spot in the universe that could have been filled by someone...speical for lack of another word.

As I'm getting older I'm becoming alarmingly more aware that I'm going to have to find a job. I might get married. have children. Have to take care of a family- my family. I might not even have the time to change the world. 

This year is the first time I am afraid to think 'I can fix that' least I fill my head with actions I don't believe I am capable of doing. Won't even give myself the chance to try. What hurts the most is that every time I tell myself 'I can't do that' I can feel my old self- the one who dreamed of a future I created with my own hands- she's dying. Withering away one "be realistic' comment at a time.

BUT I WON'T LET HER DIE.

"There are those who dream and there are those who get up and work"

I'm already full of dreams too big to fit in a 15 year old body- but I can't live off of dreams alone. I need to see myself DO SOMETHING. or else I'll die. I'll die and all that will be left is a shell like any other that is little more that a robot doing her daily routine over and over and over again until I'm too old to do even that. An empty person that is always affected by events around her but never effecting others.

I will stop dreaming. and start doing.

Because 'special' isn't a magic spell. There is no sure formula for success. Just a lot of heart, determination, and maybe a bit of madness.

What do you think?

-Nadine